How much does fitting in matter?

[rachael]

My 2.5-year-old has HFI. His daycare serves food and has a 4-week meal plan, but he can't eat any of it so I send food with him daily. I try my darndest to match the meals as closely as I can but it's a lot of work.

For those who are adults with HFI (or have children with HFI), does fitting in matter to really young children, or should I just pack easier meals for him? I know that every kid is different, just trying to gauge whether it is worth it to match the meals, or if I should just send him in with easier meals.

Thanks for your thoughts!

[Average Dude]

Forget what people think, people with HFI are diferent, deal with it, be responsible and give the food he needs without overthinking about irrelevante issues. He will be the one suffering later on in live with those issues, be thankfull you don't have that problem, and don't expect your son to be what you want him to be, he will adapt himself to life with this condition and he will later on be able to decide for himself what " fitting in" really means for him, and if he needs social aproval to be happy with himself.

[colormist]

Yes, fitting in is an ever-present concern for kids. It increases in middle school years. Depending on your child and how you raise him, he should be okay with special meals most of the time--until you notice his concern with labels or "Bobby and Susie have this thing, why can't I have this thing too?!?" speech becomes more prevalent.

Special treat times might be more difficult for him than regular meals. Cakes, parties, events at school--things where he sees kids really enjoying a special treat and he wants to enjoy them too. Having special treats for him on these events will help. You're going to obviously have problems and slip ups when he gets older though. He's going to try to challenge his diet and sneak things even though he knows better.

One time my friend split a candy bar with me. I said no. She insisted. I had to eat it because she was being generous. This happened when I was 12. This happened again when I was 25 (a friend, unsolicited, bought me chocolate truffles and INSISTED I try them because they were "amazing") before I had my official diagnosis. I ended up very ill on both occasions.

So, you should be fine with special meals for now--until he starts wishing he could fit in and stop being so different.

[rysmom14]

Hi Rachael,

I wonder the same thing some times. My son is a little over 3 and he goes to daycare 2-3 days a week. I have a "lunchbox" policy for him that no one is to give him food of any kind unless it comes in his lunch box. This makes it easier for the staff and takes the guess work out for them. we get the meal plan for the month as well, but for the most part I pack the same exact lunch every day. He gets yogurt, 2 cheese sticks, cheese its, oyster crackers, laughing cow cheese spread, noodles and a meat ( usually turkey lunch meat roll ups, meatballs, hamburger patty, ground turkey patty or chicken nuggets) the turkey lunch meat is bought, but the other food is just plain meet with salt and pepper and a little parsley. if I am making the meatballs or breading the chicken I will also use his oyster crackers smashed up as breadcrumbs. But he gets the same thing every day he goes to school. Sometimes if I see Pizza on the menu I will send my crumpet pizza and have them make him the same thing, and most of the time he picks it apart and just eats the meat. So It doesn't really matter to him either way. I was worried about the fitting in issue as it seems like it's going to be a given because the different way HFIers need to eat. I can tell you that at 3 he doesn't really care that he is eating different food. The only time it seems to matter to him is like colormist said, at special occasions. I make sure to plan for that and make his muffins and add the homemade whipped cream ( like a cupcake) or make him the shortbread cookies in fun shapes( flour butter water and a dash of salt). The latest dessert win was making the whipping cream and freezing it. so its cold like ice cream.

So as of now, I would not worry about variety or trying to match the lunch at school. someday around middle school he will want to be more like the other kids, but I don't think at this age anyone cares. They might actually be jealous because he gets to have a ninja turtle lunchbox at the table and they don't!

I saw your other post about slow cooker meals and while I don't make anything in the slow cooker for him, I will bake mac and cheese and then have it for a couple days, or make meatballs and freeze. I also buy a good bit of his meat and portion into smaller sandwich bags and freeze. The smaller portions thaw faster and I can make something that will last 2-3 days out of 1 bag. for ground meat, I will make some burgers and some meatballs out of one bag then we just have to reheat it over the next few days. This is much less waste than we used to have too because it gives them a chance for variety in picking the different meat types.

I beat y head against the wall trying to be super mom for a while, but its just not possible. my hubby and I both work 50+ hours a week and we have another 3 year old and a year old. we stick to plan meals and there is a ton of repetition. but I am comfortable that he is not getting any questionable foods. having too many different foods for him led us down the road to elevated liver enzymes and while it took a while for them to get out of range, we have been working for over 5 months to get them back into normal range again. In the end, my son, your son and other HFI kids are going to have to learn to accept being different and learn to be ok with that because, to me its not "if" they have to deal with the differences, its "when" so I try to teach him about why he cant eat foods and what foods are his in the fridge and pantry and teach him why its important to eat right so he understands and can accept it for when he has to deal with those mean little nutss at school.

anyways! Hope this helps a little.

[rachael]

Thanks all, this is helpful! If it wasn't clear, all of the food I give him is safe, I just try to make safe versions of what the other kids are eating and was wondering if that was important at this age. Like Rysmom, I'm trying to be supermom and it's burning me out now that my husband and I are both back to full-time work. Sounds like I should put my energy into making treats for special occasions, not worry so much about matching the daily menu with HFI safe versions, and just give him safe foods that he likes even if the other kids have burgers and he has spaghetti.

Rysmom: we make your cookies all of the time, they are so easy and fun to do together! My guy loves to help cook and it's nice to have something that he can help with and then actually eat.

[rysmom14]

The cookies are a huge hit for us too! I bought a bunch of fun cookie cutters and everyone gets to help. I melt chocolate and add that and sprinkles to his sisters cookies so everyone likes them.

[jenn123]

I found that kid party usually have pizza or hot dogs/hamburgers. I keep safe versions in my freezer so it doesn't take additional time. I have had sprouts special make a safe version of a chicken sausage, Whole Foods will special order against the grain gf plain pizza shell, make/freeze lamb/beef/feta burger patties and sugar free cupcakes. When you special order you have to buy in bulk, which I love. There are so few ingredients that are safe, so I buy bulk and do food prep twice a week or so to make it easy on the work schedule.
One of the favorites is Parmesan cheese crisps, which are just shredded Parmesan, like two teaspoons flour and two teaspoons milk, mix and make little spoon size cookies. I put parchment paper on cookie sheet and bake 350 for about 20m. She will eat the entire batch at once if I don't watch her. We also make Fred's Mac and cheese a couple times a month too. 😊

[colormist]

Man, I wish there was a Whole Foods near my home.

Cheese crisps sound delicious!

[rysmom14]

Cheese crisps do sounds really good! I am going to try them this week. Jenn123, do you use block parmesan that you grate yourself, or store bought?

[jenn123]

Parmesan is usually grated and I get at Trader Joe. Other cheeses, such as cheddar, I grate myself.
She loves these things 😝